Why are we so uncomfortable with someone who is different from us?

Why are we so suspicious, even fearful, of something that is not like we are? We judge the clothing people wear, the way they talk, their hairstyle, their car, their food preferences, their religion and even their shoes – as if there is some formula for acceptance that we alone are privy to!

If someone is not like us or doesn’t align with the rules of our community, we reject or humiliate them, or label them dangerous.

It is as if we want to look into the eyes of someone else and see ourselves. Are we all so egocentric or narcissistic that we, ourselves, must be the only supreme authority on All That Is Truth?

And here is the kicker…underneath all of our judgment and suspicion, we are all trying to be individuals with unique ideas and a mind of our own. In a very unbalanced, conflicted way we strive to be Unique and to Belong.

We all have a primal ability to scan our lives for danger. This has been true since prehistoric times. Our ancient roots also bring with them a need to be in community. The community was our salvation. It literally kept us safe and alive. Without our community, we would never have survived the dangers of our daily lives.

The communities we bond with today can use physical brute force to protect their members, but they are more apt to shame or humiliate when threatened.

So...with the support of our community we criticize and judge. To actually not side with the community means we risk being ostracized – and that is terrifying! Without our primal community backing us, we died. The same response is triggered today. If we lose our community, we fear dying. This death can be literal or figurative. Either way, it is terrifying.

The saddest commentary about our harsh judgment of those who are different from us, is that we are all the same at Heart. All of us spend our lifetime in search of Love. We all long to Love and to be Loved. Every one of us! Why don’t we see that struggle in each others’ eyes and realize we are one, One Family?

We are all struggling to live a good life, to navigate our trials, to nurture our families, to provide for our children, to do a good job for fair pay, and to feel pride in a life well lived. We want to be a good friend, a good parent, a good role model, a good child, to have shelter we call home, to have enough to eat, to feel healthy – physically, emotionally mentally and spiritually – and to Love and to be Loved.

This is my wish…

Next time we look at someone, individually or collectively...may we see the sameness in each others’ eyes.

The Fruitless Pursuit of the 'Why?'

There are so many things that interfere with us feeling truly well – but of particular importance is our often fruitless pursuit of the ‘why?’

Knowing the ‘why’ is a double edged sword and useful only when it is acknowledged for the purpose of promoting healing. When it is not, then our lives grind to a halt and we feel unresolved. Left feeling unresolved, we move to either apathy, anger or depression.

For instance, knowing the answer to the ‘why’ you lost your job is useful if you use the information for careful self evaluation, and as a result make yourself a valuable future employee.

Knowing the answer to the ‘why’ it is not useful if you use the information to gossip, to force allegiance from your former co-workers, to create a vengeful attitude or as justification for bad behavior.

Why do some good, hard-working people lose their homes? The question can make us angry but that wouldn’t solve the tragedy.

It is only when we are motivated to find resolve by the question that we are able to come to terms with our feelings. It is only when we perform a positive or constructive action that we find Inner Peace.

So what happens when there is no answer to the ‘why?’

Why do children die? The question is not really answerable.

Why do the unscrupulous manage to thrive? The question is frustrating to contemplate.

Why did my father hit me and my mother never actually see me? I won’t ever know the true answers to those questions, but I have discovered a level of comfort in realizing they did the best they knew how. And I really believe that.

I have learned from my spiritual studies that the Divine speaks in All Things – which is an important spiritual concept to consider. When I presume that the Divine is speaking, I have to let go. It is then, and only then, that my reflection takes on a very different tone. I know that if I have not found the gold in the dark folds of my life, I must look again with new eyes. Self-revelation always starts with letting go.

If we get stuck in the pursuit of ‘why’ to the detriment of resolution, we must do our best to let go. Beyond confusion, anger, thoughts of revenge or depression is the Inner Peace we are searching for.

I personally believe that when there is no clear or obvious answer, we are to do our best to accept What Is. In our acceptance, we stay open to the possibility of resolution or revelation. If we close the door on the potential for revelation and operate out of any restricting emotion such as anger or depression then our resistance will not allow us to heal.

When we do not know our answers…the challenge is to surrender to What Is and see what unfolds. Our goal is healing, resolution and Inner Peace.

Let go and trust the answer will be self-evident and available to you exactly when you need it.

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